Suicide. It's not a comfortable topic, but one that must become a part of our dialog about death. Part of my job is communicating with people who have died, as a medium. I often work with grief stricken families looking for answers. I have worked with countless families who have suffered a suicide among their loved ones. I am often able to help them find some peace. So many of the questions, both spoken and unspoken, are the same.
1- Are they okay? If they have already crossed over to the other side, then yes, they are more than okay. They have gone to heaven (or whatever you are most comfortable calling the other side) to heal and bask in unconditional love and peace. Please do not buy into any mean spirited dogma that suicide victims will go to hell, wander the earth for 100 years, cease to exist, etc. It simply isn’t true. They go to the same place that everyone else does when they die. And frankly, it is a wonderful place.
2- Are they in trouble? I find a lot of families really wanting to ask this question, but they are terrified of the answer. The truth is, no one is in trouble. For various reasons, life got too hard, too painful, too overwhelming. They bailed ship before they finished what they came to learn and do. They will likely have a another life similar to this one where they can try again. But are they in trouble? Absolutely not. They are loved, just like you are.
3- Was there anything I could have done to stop them? Again, a sad question that many are afraid to ask. Time after time I have talked to those who have taken their own lives and asked this question. Time after time they have confirmed that this decision was theirs alone, and that no one could have stopped them, at least not permanently. Families and friends: It is not your fault. Ever.
4- What happens now? Now, you live your life to the best of your ability. You love, you find a way to laugh, and you take care of each other. Your loved one will be with you a lot, in spirit. Honor their memory just like you would anyone else who has died. Do not, for one second, allow anyone to make you feel ashamed of your loved one. Their spirit is divine, their soul lives on. There is no shame in that. Your deceased will most likely wait for the lives of their family members to end and guide them home when their time comes. They will guide you when they can, visit you in your dreams, and hold your hand when you cry. You will see them again. I promise.
When people die and they cross over into heaven, they only take love with them. Fear, pain, sadness, etc, do not exist there. Love, joy, peace, bliss, and happiness are the emotions of the spirit world. Spirits that have crossed over are not angry, they don’t hold grudges, and they aren’t in pain. They simply cannot be, since those feelings don’t exist in heaven.
If you are considering suicide yourself, I would like to ask you to consider the effect that your death would have on your family. If you do it, they will likely have to find you, bury you, endure a very painful and sad funeral where horribly insensitive people will say misguided and hurtful things to them. They will live with a lifetime of guilt, horror and unanswered questions. Your parents, spouse, siblings, children, friends, co workers, teachers, classmates, neighbors and others will never forget what happened. Their lives will be changed forever in an awful way. Get help, and if that doesn’t work, get more help. Keep getting help until life is sweeter than it is bitter. There are a lot of options for healing out there. Eventually, I hope that you will find a million reasons to keep living, keep trying, and keep loving.